Lately I've been thinking a lot about peace and what a peaceful home really encompasses. I don't think that I would have ever described my childhood home as "peaceful." Even to this day, I do not visit my parents for peace. I visit them for a judgement/advice free fellowship and a wonderful fresh breath of comfort. I will never take those aspects of our relationship for granted. However, when you put the 4 of us together, I don't think we had very many peaceful days. I'm thankful for this because I am really, really, really good at getting into fights with people and acting as if nothing happened 5 minutes later. Some may see that as a bad quality but I like it. I am also extremely forgiving.
Anyway, because peace is not something that comes very natural to me, I have always strived to attain it. Thankfully, through God, I have found it undeniably. My life is and has always been (like I'm sure most of yours) filled with drama. Between my family, friends, relationships, finances, indecision, worry, etc, etc, I'm not sure how I ever feel peace at the end of the day, but I do. I feel a completeness and wholeness. I feel so very sure that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I feel as if my purpose has been restored and that no matter what worries pop up in my mind, that they are insignificant due to the fact that I will be okay. I know this.
So back to this peaceful home that I'm creating. I've decided to set some rules to make sure that I can hold myself accountable for my role.
#1) Always make sure that your home is as comfortable and cozy as possible. It's amazing how peaceful it is to sit on the couch at the end of the day, a clean house, candles lit, pillows, blankets, music, a good movie, etc, and to know that this is home. I always want my house to be warm and welcoming...personal, organized, and full of love. To me, this is peace.
#2) Get over anger as quickly as possible. I love the scripture that talks about not going to bed angry and I am guilty of this a lot in my past. I was rereading it today and forgot just how meaningful it is to remember that anger gives the devil a foothold in your life. Looking back I can see this happening so many times and never changing my behavior. Now, I realize that it is my sole responsibility to make sure that I let it go before I go to bed. Whatever IT may be.
#3) Stop rushing. I am a very punctual person. I don't like being late and one of my biggest pet peeves in life is being rushed (Matt knows this all to well). I won't even go in a store if I know I'm going to feel as if I have a time schedule. However, I also do things very quickly. I talk fast, type fast, text fast, cook fast, clean fast...I'm always on the go, and always planning my next move. Basically everything I do is at a good pace. In some aspects of my life this is wonderful. I have more down time because I don't lolly gag. I have more time for fun because when I'm working I do it 100% from the time I start until I'm finished. But, I also rush through some things. One of the biggest areas I see this in is Angelyn's bedtime. I am tired, I want to see Matt for a little while, I usually just want to relax. So I'm guilty of being impatient and rushing. Don't get me wrong, she will come out of her room 50 times if I don't lay down the bedtime rules but I'm going to learn to slow down and enjoy it...to find peace in it....to savor these moments.
#4) Streamline your parenting. I really feel a lot of people's homes are not peaceful because they have no real parenting plan. I think that this is probably the most important rule hen it comes to parenting (for my family atleast). Growing up, I didn't have much consistency and I slowly saw the negative affects that it had on my life. So the first aspect of this rule is, just that, consistency. I want my expectations in all areas to be known and to stay the constant. I feel it gives our kids a huge sense of security. Life could be so much more peaceful if we gave our children clear and concise expectations and expected obedience. A huge part of this for me is manners and the respect of our home and other people's homes.
I really feel that the second aspect of parenting that I want to commit to is consistency with consequences. I don't want to ever tell Angelyn that I am going to do _____ if she does ______ and have no real intention of doing it. If your child cannot trust your word how are they ever supposed to know what is expected of them and when they should obey?
I want to be aware of my "exceptions" becoming "expectations." For example, if I let Angelyn have a drink in her bed one night I want to be careful that she's not going to throw a tantrum if she's not allowed to do it the next. I think this has to be based on your own judgement and tailored to each individual child. We do pretty well with this already.
Lastly, I don't want my parenting to be a democracy. So often we get caught up arguing with our kids and don't even take a step back to think, "Hey, I'm the parent here. This doesn't even need to be happening." Keep your expectations clear and final. I know that there is always need for exception and always a time to listen to your child's opinions, but for the most part I think that this will eliminate many open doors for yelling, arguing, and frustration.
#5) Speak with kindness. It is such a simple idea ,but so often is not evaulated within our lives. Every once in a while I will find myself barking at Angelyn or telling Matt to do something without even saying please. Then I have to stop and ask myself, "What kind of example of kindness am I setting for the people I love the most?"
#6) Fill your home with postive words and thoughts. This will be the last one since I am falling asleep, but it is so, so important. The things we talk about, watch, listen to, and think all either increase our peace or steal it. I am in a constant battle to keep each one of these in check to make sure that they are adding to my life in a positive way. When life gets rough it is natural for us to constantly bring up the negativity that's going on or to get lost in negative thinking. I want to continue to evaluate what's coming out of my mouth and into my head to ensure I am able to spread peace to those around me.
